There once was a girl
from north of the border
who sent me money by postal order
and though I couldn’t wash her pans or pots,
touch her blankets or door knobs,
she touched my life from miles away
and I miss her
like it was yesterday.
© D. Archer. January 2016
Well it’s been a while but finally my autobiographical children’s book is ready for the printers. I’ve been waiting over a year for the reviews to come in but I think it was worth the wait. A limited edition of 17 million individually signed copies will be in the shops next Tuesday. By the way my wrist hasn’t hurt this much since I watched Nigella Lawson bending over to put her turkey in the oven.
©D. Archer. December 2016
PS: Apologies to Mr Hargreaves, I loved his books when I was a kid. Loved the original cartoon series as well, Arthur Lowe was the voice for my generation.
The course to sail under the same stars
in time, unfolded,
never to be ours;
is immaterial now;
at the end of the day
we both drowned.
© D. Archer. August 2016.
Man in far distance
Angry Farmer in distance
Loch obscured by tree
Water on lens!
Once again I have been lucky enough to spend some time in Scotland over the New Year and attached are just a few of the (in focus) photos that I have deemed worthy of sharing.
Even for a colour blind, ham fisted, amateur half wit photographer like myself taking photographs in Scotland is really like shooting fish in a barrel (apologies to all you vegetarians) but you put your camera on auto, point at stunning landscape and press shutter. Bingo Bongo Bob’s your auntie!
Words and Pictures © D. Archer. January 2016.
Apologies for the wonky photograph and for the wonky artwork come to think of it. More Abstracts, this time with under painting and reveal technique. Acrylic on canvas, 7″ x 5″, available to buy at £17,000,000.48
However, I am prepared to enter into a medieval bartering type arrangement. So, if you think this painting is worth a loaf of bread then send one slice per envelope per week to my home address and I will send the painting by return post when I receive the final crust.
Please include cost of return postage, I’m not made of chuffin’ money.
Words and Pictures © D. Archer. January 2016.
More fun with vectors in Adobe Illustrator. Words and Pictures © D. Archer. January 2016.
In order to raise some cash I have launched a new and exciting magazine about every available car parking space in and around South Yorkshire, cryptically entitled “Car Parking Spaces Monthly” the 700 page magazine will focus on issues concerning the modern car parking space enthusiast.
The first issue comes with a free headache and is available from – “Chest Infections Direct” – Your one stop shop for bulk phlegm!
Words and nonsense © D. Archer/ December 2015
In order to raise some cash I have gone into Star Wars merchandising and have invented this handy All-In-One artists tool that will instantly help you draw just like Ralph McQuarrie.
No more art classes!
No more life studies!
Just pick up and draw!
If you’ve ever dreamed of becoming a famous concept artist then this is the tool for you.
If you’ve ever dreamed of impressing random strangers in shops then this is the tool for you.
If you’ve ever dreamed about that man or woman that spurned your romantic advances seven years ago then this is the tool for you.
Each “Star Wars Wonder Drawing Sabre Extreme”
is glued together with love and rainbows* (actually asbestos and anthrax) and comes with its own paper* (asbestos) bag.
It weighs ONLY 19.5kg and can be used by children* (Not recommended for children).
Simply “Stab” the tool into the palm of your hand and away you go, the special coating of artist “Rust” will seep into your blood stream and you can just think drawings onto the page.
Due to a slight production error only 17 million of these tools will be produced and it is strictly available on a first come first disappointed basis.
Available from “Chest Infections Direct”; your one stop shop for bulk phlegm!
Words and Pictures © D. Archer. December 2015.
I don’t dream. I put this down to the prolonged period of insomnia that I suffered after my divorce, however, I have recently been waking up with fragments of an image that has coincided with my rekindled interest in painting.
I’m colour blind; good old fashioned Red / Green combo and this has always been a crutch to stop myself from painting. Who wants a violet sky and magenta grass? Well it turns out that plenty of people do provided the piece is well executed and within an abstract framework, and there lies the dilemma.
Painting abstracts, to me, is not about “Not being able to paint properly” or “Not having studied for X years at Art School”, it is primarily concerned with expression and partly about technique; the proportions of these two factors is what divides the opinion. I suppose the “Expression ‘v’ Technique” debate is the art world equivalent of the chicken and the egg scenario.
We live in an existential world, trees grow upwards, grass is green, sky is on top etc. To challenge these representations (visually) means to think and to think is a powerful life skill.
It is said as humans we use only 10% of our brain’s capacity and the average time spent looking at artwork in a gallery is less than 30 seconds and in that 30 seconds we make broad sweeping generalisations not only about the piece “Doesn’t look like a tree” but also about the artist “My kid could do that” so may I suggest that if your child can emote like Jackson Pollock then nurture and treasure that child beyond your earthly years for they have that rare and precious gift of independent thought.
My artwork is my own, through my eyes, echoes of my past and shaped by my hand. If this piece progresses my painterly technique that’s a bonus; If it strikes a chord with another human well that’s much better but if it hangs on my wall and engages my thoughts every time I look at it then it has achieved it’s purpose.
Abstracts are about painting the emotion not the object. If you want a picture, take a photograph.
Words and Pictures © D. Archer. December 2015