New Children’s Book

mr-morose

Well it’s been a while but finally my autobiographical children’s book is ready for the printers. I’ve been waiting over a year for the reviews to come in but I think it was worth the wait. A limited edition of 17 million individually signed copies will be in the shops next Tuesday. By the way my wrist hasn’t hurt this much since I watched Nigella Lawson bending over to put her turkey in the oven.

©D. Archer. December 2016

PS: Apologies to Mr Hargreaves, I loved his books when I was a kid. Loved the original cartoon series as well, Arthur Lowe was the voice for my generation.

Autumn in Yorkshire

Somewhere between losing my mind and finding myself I often am to be found wandering aimlessly around my local park. Not a lot of other humans to interrupt the solitude which is always a bonus.

All pictures are worthless but they are mine. © D. Archer. November 2016.

Winter Wanderings

Once again I have been lucky enough to spend some time in Scotland over the New Year and attached are just a few of the (in focus) photos that I have deemed worthy of sharing.

Even for a colour blind, ham fisted, amateur half wit photographer like myself taking photographs in Scotland is really like shooting fish in a barrel (apologies to all you vegetarians) but you put your camera on auto, point at stunning landscape and press shutter. Bingo Bongo Bob’s your auntie!

Words and Pictures © D. Archer. January 2016.

January Abstracts

Abstract_January_2016

Abstract_January_2016

Apologies for the wonky photograph and for the wonky artwork come to think of it. More Abstracts, this time with under painting and reveal technique. Acrylic on canvas, 7″ x 5″, available to buy at £17,000,000.48

However, I am prepared to enter into a medieval bartering type arrangement. So, if you think this painting is worth a loaf of bread then send one slice per envelope per week to my home address and I will send the painting by return post when I receive the final crust.

Please include cost of return postage, I’m not made of chuffin’ money.

Words and Pictures © D. Archer. January 2016.

New Magazine Published

Car-PArking-Monthly

In order to raise some cash I have launched a new and exciting magazine about every available car parking space in and around South Yorkshire, cryptically entitled “Car Parking Spaces Monthly” the 700 page magazine will focus on issues concerning the modern car parking space enthusiast.

The first issue comes with a free headache and is available from  – “Chest Infections Direct”Your one stop shop for bulk phlegm!

Words and nonsense © D. Archer/ December 2015

Star Wars Wonder Drawing Sabre Extreme

IMG_2068

In order to raise some cash I have gone into Star Wars merchandising and have invented this handy All-In-One artists tool that will instantly help you draw just like Ralph McQuarrie.

No more art classes!
No more life studies!
Just pick up and draw!

If you’ve ever dreamed of becoming a famous concept artist then this is the tool for you.

If you’ve ever dreamed of impressing random strangers in shops then this is the tool for you.

If you’ve ever dreamed about that man or woman that spurned your romantic advances seven years ago then this is the tool for you.
Each “Star Wars Wonder Drawing Sabre Extreme” is glued together with love and rainbows* (actually asbestos and anthrax) and comes with its own paper* (asbestos) bag.

It weighs ONLY 19.5kg and can be used by children* (Not recommended for children).

Simply “Stab” the tool into the palm of your hand and away you go, the special coating of artist “Rust” will seep into your blood stream and you can just think drawings onto the page.

Due to a slight production error only 17 million of these tools will be produced and it is strictly available on a first come first disappointed basis.

Available from “Chest Infections Direct”; your one stop shop for bulk phlegm!

Words and Pictures © D. Archer. December 2015.