I am short, fat, 45, shit with money and prone to bouts of depression.
I have too many words in my head that keep me awake at night.
I have an imaginary cat called Alan.
I live alone in Barnsley, South Yorkshire, England.
Barnsley is not on Google Maps.
I hate and love Barnsley at the same time.
I like looking at trees.
I like looking at electricity pylons.
I swear a lot.
My cactus is called Seamus.
I like Quentin Blake, Spike Milligan, Tommy Cooper, Tony Hancock, Carry On films.
I wonder why abbreviation is such a long word.
I lost three socks last week. Three!
I am a fan of poetry especially Seamus Heaney, Philip Larkin, Sylvia Plath and Ted Hughes, Anne Sexton, Alan Ginsberg, Simon Armitage and Dylan Thomas.
I write down words that come into my head.
I like long words and short difficult words.
I have more tattoos than I have arms.
I do not profess to be any good at writing poetry.
My favourite word is Dodecahedron.
My favourite mathematical equation is:
f1(x)y(x) + f2(x)y((ax − β)/(x + b)) + f3(x)y((bx + β)/(a − x)) = g(x), β = a2 + ab + b2.
I like The Smiths, Joy Division, The Jam, John Coltrane, Miles Davis, Theolonious Monk, The Housemartins, The Beautiful South, Echo and the Bunnymen and lots more.
The internet is not big enough to list all my other interests.
I have friends who I can ring at any time of the day or night.
I have a bad back and small feet.
My favourite colour is Black, BLACK! BLACK! BLACK! like my soul! (actually it’s Yellow)
This is not a poem by the way.
Below is a selection of the stuff I do when I’m not writing maudlin verse.
I am really a graphic designer with a passion for illustration and animation. I am currently working on one children’s book. I like drawing my imaginary cat in wacky adventures.
If you like this page you are as daft as I am. I like you.