The Loneliness of the Long Distance Lover

You’re never alone if you have a cat. I don’t have a cat.

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Star Wars Wonder Drawing Sabre Extreme

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In order to raise some cash I have gone into Star Wars merchandising and have invented this handy All-In-One artists tool that will instantly help you draw just like Ralph McQuarrie.

No more art classes!
No more life studies!
Just pick up and draw!

If you’ve ever dreamed of becoming a famous concept artist then this is the tool for you.

If you’ve ever dreamed of impressing random strangers in shops then this is the tool for you.

If you’ve ever dreamed about that man or woman that spurned your romantic advances seven years ago then this is the tool for you.
Each “Star Wars Wonder Drawing Sabre Extreme” is glued together with love and rainbows* (actually asbestos and anthrax) and comes with its own paper* (asbestos) bag.

It weighs ONLY 19.5kg and can be used by children* (Not recommended for children).

Simply “Stab” the tool into the palm of your hand and away you go, the special coating of artist “Rust” will seep into your blood stream and you can just think drawings onto the page.

Due to a slight production error only 17 million of these tools will be produced and it is strictly available on a first come first disappointed basis.

Available from “Chest Infections Direct”; your one stop shop for bulk phlegm!

Words and Pictures © D. Archer. December 2015.

Artistic Yips!

 

I have inadvertently given myself a case of the artistic “Yips”.

I fear I may have spent too long over the past few weeks gorging myself on the work of the English Illustrator Ronald Searle, this coupled with my own inept attempts at being able to finish a drawing have left me in somewhat of an artistic no man’s land.

The “Yips” as described by the Mayo Clinic are:

“involuntary wrist spasms that occur most commonly when golfers are trying to putt. However, the yips can also affect people who play other sports — such as cricket, darts and baseball. It was once thought that the yips were always associated with performance anxiety.”

Now the last time I looked drawing wasn’t a sport (although curiously along with poetry it was one of the original, modern olympic disciplines) but I can certainly identify with the performance anxiety bit.

Whilst 99.9999999% of the interwebs’ population don’t care that I am colour blind, unfortunately I do and this has always led me to believe that my artistic endeavours should be limited to half finished, unfunny doodles in countless unfilled notebooks (Huzzahh! So far so good, I have achieved this bit) However, this has also fuelled what I like to term as Analysis Paralysis. I get myself locked into a mental spiral of over analysing the task at hand whilst never actually completing it. This can satisfy my inner demons that it will never be good enough so whats the point in finishing it or I can spend an eternity looking at the task and being afraid to commit to it.

My line drawing of a Hare is the point in question. I finally picked up the courage to draw something (using the grid method to eliminate some of my fears) but none the less I drew it. I quite like it. In fact that’s the problem. The challenge I set myself was to paint a watercolour picture using a very limited colour palette (preferably one colour) but I can’t bring myself to use this drawing as the basis for my painting. All I can see is myself spoiling a half decent line drawing with a watercolour that looks like it’s been painted by an Labrador.

I suppose I am going to have to subscribe to the theory that the first 10,000 drawings are the worst and that the sooner I get them over and done with the sooner I can move on. I shouldn’t be so attached to the drawing, I should develop my confidence, tell myself my next drawing is my best drawing, stop reading the internet and do something original.

I really have no idea whether I will ever finish this painting project or whether I will just file it away with all my other procrastinations. Which reminds me, I must alphabetise my box of procrastinations!!

 

Lamentable Linocuts

A series of Linocuts that I have been meaning to commit to my blog for a while now. Apologies for the quality of the photos as I am crap at taking photos. Apologies for the quality of the linocuts as I am crap at doing linocuts. Apologies for the number of apologies as I am crap at making apologies. Apologies for everything.

All artwork and Apologies are © D. Archer 2014.

P.S: Can you tell what is the only colour of Ink I have? Answers on a Postcard please.

Be Prepared

Be Prepared!

Be Prepared!

 

OK people, you know the drill, pseudo sentimentality season is almost upon us, if we all join together in fighting this non stop commercial day of heart bleating soppyness we can get through the hours and get back to being our own lonesome selves.

You have been warned!

Image Copyright D. Archer. February 2013.