Uxbridge English Dictionary

The Uxbridge English Dictionary is designed to clear up misunderstandings surrounding the actual meaning of words commonly found in the English Language.

For example: PROPAGANDAto stare at an object intently.

You get the idea.


I am a true English Poet

I am a true English Poet
and I know it
because I am skint;
I live on bitter memories;
unrequited love and
lots and lots of cigs;

I am a true English Poet
all my clothes smell of smoke;
my life is like this poem,
its not funny
and it really is no joke;

I am a true English Poet
I can’t afford the finer things in life;
my only friend is my left hand
my greatest loss
my now ex-wife;

Like a seaside town in Winter
Like Sunday when all the shops are shut;
I am a true English Poet
because I can’t afford to cook;

I am lifes eternal lost sock
two went in the dryer
only one of them came out;
twenty four seven
Seven days a week
I am as welcoming to women as
mould in tiled bathroom grout;

I see lovers holding hands
kissing in the street;
the world is singing love songs;
I must be an English Poet because
none of them are for me.

© Copyright D. Archer October 2011

After a few pints I made a few subtle changes. If you have read it before well tough it’s my blog I’ll do what I want, if you haven’t read it before well tough, it’s my blog and I’ll post what I want.

This is how wars begin

Just because you can’t spell
colour and
every poem I have to tag twice;

one for you,
one for the Queen,
one to be wrong
and one to be right;
not rite!

Irony is not a metal
you drop two letters at the most;
put them back and acknowledge
what the rest of the world
already knows.

I must take deep breaths now,
relax and read “The Wife of Bath”;
“Bright Star” will calm my soul,
Spike Milligan will make me laugh.

It is my duty
as an English Poet
to make Shakespeare
even greaterer;
now I have to go
I am going with no apologies
out to the Royal National

© Copyright D. Archer October 2011 

16.10.11 Spot the change. I elevated myself a little too high me thinks.
Thanks to Miss Audrey for making me think.