New Book out Soon

YakMilking_Cover

Yak Milking for Fun and Profit

Have you ever wanted to Milk a Yak for fun and profit? I know have, so I wrote this book to help with my mental disorder.
The book is 1,497 pages long, has 9 photographs (4 of them are in focus) and 2 drawings which shouldn’t be show to anyone under 21.

©D.ARCHER. JULY 2017

Model Poses for Artists

Model-Heads

In order to raise some cash I have produced a set of highly detailed model head shots for budding artists to work from. Not only are they cheaper than hiring a real human being model but they don’t complain about living wages or back ache or the cold or…….

You will never need to steal from the internet ever again as each unique set comes with a variety of expressions that will add depth and life to your next illustration, bringing that next commission ever closer and recognition from your peers and even dead artists:

Rembrandt will shout from beyond the grave “Bugger me, that’s chuffin lifelike!”.

The girl who spurned your attentions in school will look you up on FaceBonk and want to engage in moist activities when it’s not raining.

That man who pushed in front of you in the supermarket last week will suddenly realise his whole life has been a waste and if he wants to cross dress at the weekend then his boss and wife should let him.

Remember that awful incident in the bus station! I know I do! Never again will you have to travel by bus if you buy these model head shots. People will stare at you for all the right reasons.

Cats and dogs will flock to you like sheep and sheep will flock to you like sheep because you have the power over anatomy.

Never again will it look like all your models features have slipped to the top right hand corner of their face in an attempt to get away from you.

I categorically decree that if you buy these model head shots then your life will in some way shape or form have been extended for at least the time it takes you to read this.

Chances like this don’t come along with the Fishmonger, these model head shots will not only make you look taller but you can also stop relying on creams and potions to enhance your performance in the dark.

Buy now before they are all sold out!

I told you buy them.

They are all sold out now, every one.

All your friends and colleagues have a copy and you don’t. You’re going to look pretty foolish in the office tomorrow morning, I’d have a day off to let the embarrassment factor blow over. Go visit the park or the nice woman who feeds wood to children. Telephone your aunt and apologize for that stain you left on her bathroom carpet. Why not stay in bed all day and listen to the sound of your youth slipping away. Have a small orange.

Remember what I said at the beginning of this article?
No?
Neither do I.

These model heads will physically make every drawing you ever do in the future win you a prize in any drawing competition you dare to enter, even the posh ones that offer money prizes not them competitions for poor people where the top prize is a copy of your own drawing published in a book that you have to buy.

These model heads are the secrets like what professional artists don’t want you to know about, this is the inside track to the sex, drugs and rock and roll lifestyle that only Hospital Radio DJ’s dream about. It’s true, I knew a hospital DJ once and he said he wished he had these model heads when he was learning to drive a lorry but he said he only had a picture of his best friend wearing a chimpanzee suit that had some holes in inappropriate places. He said he wished he had known about these model head shots before last week when he sold his Kidneys to that man behind the shop. He was well upset.

So the moral of this tale is don’t end up without any kidneys, buy these model head shots instead.

Thanks for listening or reading or both or neither.

Words and pictures copyright D. Archer. November 2015.

 

Tiger Nonsense for Manic Depressives

Tiger_Nonsense

Apologies to Mr William Blake but these words and pictures are copyright D. Archer. October 2015.

It’s funny but this is not the drawing I originally intended for this piece but sometimes you just have to go with the flow and surprise yourself with the unexpected. I think (but who am I?) the illustration has a 1950’s feel. It maybe the fact I’ve scanned my pencils or that I drew with a 4B but it’s best not to over analyse as that makes my brain hurt.

Tiger Nonsense for Manic Depressives

Tiger_Nonsense

Apologies to Mr William Blake but these words and picture are copyright D. Archer. October 2015.

It’s funny but this is not my original drawing for this piece, sometimes you go with the flow and you end up with something quite unexpected. I think (but who am I?) the illustration has echoes of the 1950’s about it, a period I must admit I have a great graphical appreciation for.

Adventures of my imaginary cat

Here is a collection of photographs of my imaginary cat Alan and his two friends Hector and Chester. These photographs were taken shortly before they went on their holidays. They were not pleased at being made to sit still, not pleased at all.

© D. Archer. October 2015.

Art Therapy for Manic Depressives

art_therapy_1

I have noticed on my travels that a current trend is to sell 72dpi line art drawings under the vaguely disguised medium of “Art Therapy”. Never the one the miss a money-making opportunity I have decided to create 8,764 images aimed squarely at the growing medicated market. Here is number 1 in the series.

The rules are simple. You will need a black marker pen, the rest (if you’re not too depressed to finish it) can take as long as you like.

Here’s a clue to get you started “1 = Black”.

You may have noticed that some of the areas have more than one number in them, this is where I want you to pay extra attention and really layer on that colour.
(If you don’t have a black pen I suggest you wait until the voices stop screaming and then write a poem or a song instead. Listen to some Leonard Cohen albums for ideas!)

Once finished you will have gained a valuable insight into the mind of a manic depressive artist.

Remember not to stray outside the lines or you’ll spoil everything and no one, not even your mum, will want to put it on their fridge.

© D. Archer. October 2015