It’s been a while

Boobs_IMG_3626Physical interaction is hard to come by these days so I have resorted to touching boobs in books in Public Libraries, I am so ashamed of the print quality.
©D.Archer July 2017 (the words and finger, not the picture)

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New Book out Soon

YakMilking_Cover

Yak Milking for Fun and Profit

Have you ever wanted to Milk a Yak for fun and profit? I know have, so I wrote this book to help with my mental disorder.
The book is 1,497 pages long, has 9 photographs (4 of them are in focus) and 2 drawings which shouldn’t be show to anyone under 21.

©D.ARCHER. JULY 2017

I’m not dead (physically)

Tree of Hope, Locke Park, Barnsley.

It’s been a while but due to the useless shenaningans on Instagram I’ve decided to post loads of my recent crap doodles back up on here. Apologies in advance if i’ve posted stuff before but think yourself lucky I can be bothered at all.
Enjoy, or don’t, I’m not fussed. Everything listed is mine, mine, mine I tell you!! Steal it and I will find you and bore you to death with stories of coal mining in Yorkshire.

© D. Archer. July 2017

New Children’s Book

mr-morose

Well it’s been a while but finally my autobiographical children’s book is ready for the printers. I’ve been waiting over a year for the reviews to come in but I think it was worth the wait. A limited edition of 17 million individually signed copies will be in the shops next Tuesday. By the way my wrist hasn’t hurt this much since I watched Nigella Lawson bending over to put her turkey in the oven.

©D. Archer. December 2016

PS: Apologies to Mr Hargreaves, I loved his books when I was a kid. Loved the original cartoon series as well, Arthur Lowe was the voice for my generation.

Hope

At the bottom of Pandora’s box
I found an I.O.U.

© D. Archer . June 2015

In hindsight it may not have been such a good idea to read a selection of Sylvia Path before going to bed. It is very very unusual for me to dream or in fact to wake up with any thoughts in my head. This morning I woke up to the sound of rain.

I like rain.

Anonymous

Love lies in the roughest sea,
in the smallest hours,
in a one oared boat,
not in the anonymous promises
of those that lure in calm waters
as sirens circle in the undertow;
soon the unwinding begins
the rope that proffers salvation
forms a seductive silk noose around your neck
and be it by category or allegory
the search for your lungs in another
will only one day leave you
out of breath.

© D. Archer. January 2013. Tweaked in February 2015.

History Lessons

As new disciples gather
in idyllic adoration
to marvel at the neck of the virgin swan,
be mindful of those that bring nothing to the table
but want everything in return;
be careful who next petitions your heart,
sail through their paper-thin veiled verbs
and as you search
remember the last mast
you bound your colours to
was broken beyond
even you to nurse.

© D. Archer. September 2012. Tweaked February 2015

I find myself lost again

You sit in my one remaining photograph
unburdened eyelids closed
to the coming coloured weather
and I as with all the world behind you
find myself lost again,
drowning in life’s undertow,
blindly never thinking
until you went
you would ever
really go.

© David Archer. May 2013

Be Prepared

Be Prepared!

Be Prepared!

 

OK people, you know the drill, pseudo sentimentality season is almost upon us, if we all join together in fighting this non stop commercial day of heart bleating soppyness we can get through the hours and get back to being our own lonesome selves.

You have been warned!

Image Copyright D. Archer. February 2013.