New Magazine Published


In order to raise some cash I have launched a new and exciting magazine about every available car parking space in and around South Yorkshire, cryptically entitled “Car Parking Spaces Monthly” the 700 page magazine will focus on issues concerning the modern car parking space enthusiast.

The first issue comes with a free headache and is available from  – “Chest Infections Direct”Your one stop shop for bulk phlegm!

Words and nonsense © D. Archer/ December 2015

New Poetry Anthology

Need-Some-Milk-CoverIn order to rise some cash I have released my poetry anthology early, in fact so early that there are 356 blank pages at the back of the book for colouring in or making shopping lists or for all your hate mail practice letters.

There is a limited edition print run of 17 million copies and each and every one of them comes with a FREE DISEASE (I’m not telling you which one exactly but don’t scratch your privates or your lady garden).
I have struck a deal for this volume to be sold through all outlets of “Chest Infections Direct”, the walk in store where you can buy phlegm in bulk. Each copy sold will generate 0.0000000000000000000000000000000001 pence for “Save the Plankton” a cause close to my heart.
The picture is not to scale. Due to a minor publishing miscalculation the book is actually 2′ 6″ thick and in hindsight printing on Asbestos paper may not have been the best idea. Standard Postage is £33,768.
Remember….”Chest Infections Direct” – Your One Stop Shop for Coughs!
Words and Pictures © D. Archer . December 2015

The Barnsley Crummicle



In order to raise some cash I have launched my own newspaper. The Barnsley Crummicle.

It will use long words and short difficult words!

It will be a quality, hourly, newspaper with hard edged, cutting, front line, dynamic reportage articles in black and white with colour photographs! It will be available to the 17 million homes in Barnsley FREE of charge for the first 17 million issues.

In future episodes I will personally tackle hard cutting edge topics such as:

  • Why do you never see baby pigeons?
  • What happened to that man who used to cross the road outside that shop that closed down two years ago?
  • Why am I so lonely?
  • What’s that smell in my fridge?

These and other topics are sure to bring the advertising flooding in, you could be on the ground floor. Why not advertise your unwanted wedding presents or grandparents in the next exciting, hard, cutting edged edition of The Barnsley Crummicle.

Words but not the photograph © D. Archer. November 2015

Good Grief Morrissey

Charming Charlie

It’s a sad day when artistic expression is crushed under the weight of the corporate pressure. has received instructions to remove posts relating to their juxtaposition of the Peanuts strip and The Smiths lyrics. Strange times indeed considering that 99% of Tumbler is based on plagiarism and good old cut and paste with scant regard for authors and copyright.

I suggest you visit while this charming site is still up and running.

In a futile act of solidarity I post my own two penneth of disobedience. Good grief Morrissey, have a heart.