I know your dirty little secret

Do you know what
insomniac, pessimistic,
small fat blokes do
when they question
their own blogs success?;

they write sardonic emails
off to the help desk people
who work tirelessly for

I asked a question;
they quickly answered me;
every time you log into
your own blog you
delude yourself
about your popularity;

Checking in to check
your dashboard
counts as another click
but not when you wander around
your own blog after
you have logged in.

insomniac small fat bloke now subtracts
the number of posts he has made
plus the number of times
he has logged in
and one small fat bloke
watches his world come
crashing in.

© Copyright D. Archer October 2011

This was my own genuine query to the very nice WordPress helpdesk the other day.
To get a true figure of visitors you must subtract the number of posts you have made plus the number of times you have just logged in or even just visited your own blogg to check the little counter box from your Favourites Toolbar Shortcut thingy. These count as visits. Once you are logged in however you can wander around you own site and nothing is recorded. I knew I wasn’t this popular, I have managed to piss on my own chips yet again, for three days I was happy. 

Cabbage! Cat! Underpants! Lampshade!

I can write
whatever I like
I am in the top left box
featured on WordPress’
Poetry Page;


I am atop the top bananas
bask you mortals in my lofty reflection
I have achieved poetic Nirvana;
poetry personified in four lines of perfection!


Read them and weep
my gigantic pontifications
knows not of earthly bounds;

Read them!
Bleed them!
For I
am the true voice
of all poetry

Calm down, its only a box.

© Copyright D. Archer October 2011

You know you want to. You know your desire burns inside you every time you post. We prostitute ourselves to the little box top left of the Featured Poetry Page. If you do not get this poem, you do not get me. Please un-subscribe.