More camera crimes

Ho Ho Ho, it’s a good job the Scottish Tourist Information Board doesn’t know where I live, posting all these terrible photos of their stunning scenery. You as well dear reader will be glad to know that of the 89,878 photos that I took, these are the least mediocre.

Camera crimes © D. Archer, April 20015.

Insert witty title here…

Once again I have managed to reduce the immense natural beauty of the Scottish landscape down to a few blurred, badly composed and cropped calamities. Trust me, this place is much more stunning than my fat fingered fotographs could ever convey. Taken this April in the most pleasant walking weather one could wish for.

Landscapes © Deity of your choice. Happy Crappy Croppings © D. Archer, April 2015.

The long goodbye

Though she slipped from this life
like time through your fingers
never to be held again,
there is a star in the sky
that aches to fall,
to shelter you from the closing day.

Hold on to these thoughts,
take as long as you need,
keep only those that made you smile
and to the four winds
set all others free.

© D. Archer. March 2015

Winter

 

Here are some more crimes against photography I committed whilst on a recent wander.

Once again I strongly urge you to stay away, its a terrible place, all that natural light, beautiful inspiring wildlife, scenery and lung cleansing fresh air. I can’t think of anything worse. You wouldn’t like it honestly.

Landscape © Deity of your choosing, photographs © D. Archer. February 2015

Fun with sharp objects

BleedingHeart

Fun with sharp objects on a Sunday.

Actually that’s a lie, I cut this a few days ago and then printed it and then forgot to upload it. Metaphors for my life abound.

This time I managed only 4 copies before I got a decent print which is vast improvement on my latest effort and no actual blood was spilled in the making of this image which again is a vast improvement on my latest effort.

Im sure there’s a poem about a bleeding heart brewing but my natural procrastinating tendencies prevent me from doing two pieces of artistic endeavour in one day. Maybe Winter 2016.

Less to follow.
Blood © D.Archer. March 2015

Birdsong

From the wrong side of the slow burned bridge,
at the edge of the rook black wood,
where giant thoughts used to dwell
she makes no plans for tomorrow
as she picks flowers for her daily grave.

The house, quiet as a failing marriage
stands alone in a bleached, peeling memory
under water coloured clouds.

She weeps for the summers passing,
the shortest of shadows
and the length of his kiss.

© D. Archer. March 2015.

I’m not OK Cupid

Be Prepared!

Be Prepared!

I’m not OK Cupid.

Days like today make me realise that it is perfectly OK not to be OK. Celebrate our differences and accept our idiosyncrasies my arse. Nobody wants a relationship with someone who lists their quirks as “bestiality and defrauding the tax office on a massive scale”.

My personal profile reads, “I am short, fat, 46, shit with money and prone to bouts of depression”, a brief but accurate description of myself. Needless to say this has not endeared me to the masses nor brought me fame and adoration from all corners of the globe.

I have tried, (insert preferred deity) I have tried but the fact of the matter remains the same, my life is exasperatingly dull. I wake, I work, I over eat carbohydrates and I sleep. My life is a veritable catalogue of things not to do with your time on this rock. I have travelled very little, my refrigerator is unadorned with exotic magnets that have have place and emotions woven into them (apparently the energy efficiency sticker does not count and is a poor substitute for the vista from above Mach Picchu). There are no anecdotal photographs dotted around my living room depicting past lives or close friends in riotous holiday poses captured on yellow edged paper. I don’t, I just don’t.

I am a difficult person, I can be stand offish, aloof and even just plain ignorant but when you’re in, you’re in; I am loyal like a dog, an unconditional lover because you are a friend, a family member, a pet or a cactus.

I hope this days brings a connection for someone, somewhere. Personally I am looking forward to February 27th which is “International Tidy your Sock Drawer Day”, can’t wait to see how many cards I get. For me it’s time to move, mentally and physically and try to love like a verb.

Oh and in case you are wondering, I don’t have a profile on OK cupid did you not read the above?

© D. Archer. February 2015

Anonymous

Love lies in the roughest sea,
in the smallest hours,
in a one oared boat,
not in the anonymous promises
of those that lure in calm waters
as sirens circle in the undertow;
soon the unwinding begins
the rope that proffers salvation
forms a seductive silk noose around your neck
and be it by category or allegory
the search for your lungs in another
will only one day leave you
out of breath.

© D. Archer. January 2013. Tweaked in February 2015.

History Lessons

As new disciples gather
in idyllic adoration
to marvel at the neck of the virgin swan,
be mindful of those that bring nothing to the table
but want everything in return;
be careful who next petitions your heart,
sail through their paper-thin veiled verbs
and as you search
remember the last mast
you bound your colours to
was broken beyond
even you to nurse.

© D. Archer. September 2012. Tweaked February 2015